Gonna move to Colorado in my Datsun B210
Cost five hundred dollars but my bike cost me three grand
Got my teles and my snowboard, scarpas and my rope
I just wish someone had clued me to the rules
It seems you’re not allowed to raft in Converse, cut-offs or t-shirt
Like ya did when you was just a kid
There’s no macro brews or inner-tubes if you go for a float
You’d best swim with yer feet downstream ya gaper

I was a gaper, I was a gaper
But I stuck a native sticker on my Subaru
I was a gaper I was a gaper
But one day I’ll be a native Coloradan

So my Bro says let’s got go skiin’ I got a hut for the weekend
So I picture hunkrin’ down and mashin’ on ‘em with my friend
After seven miles in knee high snow up-hill the whole damn way
Sure wish someone had clued me to the rules
It seems that skiin’s not fer skiin’ it’s fer showin’ off yer gear
Noone really goes downhill ‘round here
‘Less its 55 derees or more and yer huckin’ off a cliff
And ya best not ski in blue jeans here ya gaper

I was a gaper, I was a gaper
But I stuck a native sticker on my Subaru
I was a gaper I was a gaper
Now my dogs have their own snowshoes and I pick up their poo
I was a gaper I was a gaper But someday I’ll be a native Coloradan

So I thought I’d get my new bike down and take her fer a spin
Its got 50 gears and disc brakes and somethin’ called clip ins
So I climbed aboard but I couldn’t get my foot out when I stopped
So I cow-tipped cause I didn’t know the rules
It seems yer not allowed to ride in shoes that you can walk in too
No, the clip-in shuffle’s somethin’ you must learn
And a sponsor’s multi-colors must adord you lycra suit
And you’d best not ride in single file ya gaper

I was a gaper, I was a gaper
But I stuck a native sticker on my Subaru
I was a gaper I was a gaper
Now my dogs have their own snowshoes and I pick up their poo
I was a gaper I was a gaper
I was a gaper I was a gaper
‘Cause I refuse to wear spandex when I ride bikes with you
I was a gaper I was a gaper
But someday I’ll be a native Coloradan

I was a gaper, I was a gaper
But I stuck a native sticker on my Subaru
I was a gaper I was a gaper
Now my dogs have their own snowshoes and I pick up their poo
I was a gaper I was a gaper
I was a gaper guess I’ll always be a gaper
‘Cause I refuse to wear spandex when I ride bikes with you
I was a gaper I was a gaper
Guess I’ll never be I’ll be a native Coloradan